How to Find a Life Partner: Step 1 – Know Who You Are

Before you attract the right partner, you have to know who you’re bringing to the relationship—the true YOU.

This is the foundational first step in any meaningful, aligned, and lasting partnership. And yet, it’s the step most people skip.

It might sound big or abstract—how do you even figure out who you are? But honestly, it’s one of the most practical things you can do if you're serious about finding a life partner who truly fits.

That’s why I’ve broken down 'How to Know Who You Are' into something clear, grounded, and practical.

Why Knowing Yourself is the First Step to Real Love

I’ve heard people say:

“It’s impossible to really know yourself,” or,
“You’re the hardest person to understand.”

To which I say: Really? Have you ever tried to untangle someone else’s emotional onion layers?

Sure, we’re always evolving. But that doesn’t mean we can’t know ourselves deeply. In fact, if you want a relationship that actually works for you, this step is non-negotiable.

Because self-awareness is the root of self-worth. It’s how we get clear on:

• What we truly desire

• What we deeply value

• Which traits are core to us

• Which patterns are just defense mechanisms in disguise

The Life-Changing Benefits of Getting to Know Yourself

This isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about creating a life (and love) that actually works for you.

• Want a life partner who aligns with your values and vision? → Know yourself.

• Want a career that lights you up instead of draining you? → Know yourself.

• Want clarity about where to live, what passions to pursue, or who your people are? → Yep. Know yourself.

We walk around all day inside our own bodies and minds—yet many of us only scratch the surface. When you learn to really listen to your inner world, you uncover a wildly rich, complex inner universe that’s full of guidance.

Can’t I Just Google This? (Sorry, Nope.)

I wish I could tell you otherwise, but no—you can’t just ChatGPT your way to self inner guidance. 

Yes, support, feedback, and reflection from tools (like this!) can be incredibly helpful. But the real transformation happens when you start engaging with what’s going on inside of you.

That said, there are some great places to start. Here’s the three-phase framework I’ve used myself and with my clients:

1. Personality Tests – a great entry point

2. Mind, Heart, Body & Spirit – a practical self-awareness framework (inspired by the Wheel of Life)

3. The Self + Inner Parts – deeper integration and transformation (inspired by IFS and Carl Jung)

Let’s start with the first.

Phase 1: Personality Tests (The Amuse-Bouche)

If you're just starting out, personality tests can be a fun and helpful mirror. They won’t tell you everything, but they can offer nuggets of insight that spark reflection.

Here are a few I personally love and have gotten a lot out of:

• Human Design – great for understanding energy, decision-making, and how you move through the world

• Kolbe – helpful for seeing how you take action and solve problems

• CliftonStrengths – gives language to your natural talents and gifts

There are others like Myers-Briggs or DiSC, which are more widely known and can offer useful takeaways.

Btw, I am not currently affiliated with any of these just sharing the ones I've liked.

⚡️ Pro Tip: Take a few, then plug your results into your favorite AI tool (yep, like ChatGPT) and ask for patterns, themes, or potential blind spots. You’ll probably find a few “whoa, that’s me” moments.

But remember: at this point, you’re still gathering intel. Maybe reflecting on it a bit. But you haven’t truly grappled with who you are.

I believe we all have innate strengths and tendencies (and personality tests can help highlight those), but life gives us endless opportunities to shape who we become. That’s where the deeper work begins—and where the next phase comes in.

Phase 2: Define Who You Are Across Mind, Heart, Body, and Spirit (The Appetizer)

Without a clear framework, the idea of “knowing yourself” can feel vague and overwhelming. That’s why I love breaking it down into these four core facets: Mind, Heart, Body, and Spirit.

For each area, ask:
What would this category look and feel like in its ideal, most empowered state—for you?
And why would that matter?

Let’s reflect meaningfully in each area:

🧠 Mind

This is where your thoughts, intellect, and internal dialogue live. 

It’s how you process, create, analyze, and dream.

Why does this matter? Because your mindset shapes your entire experience and for many of us, our minds shape the quality of our relationships and our work. For me, my mind is one of my greatest tools—it's how I build, create, and solve. So I protect it with inner and outer nourishment. I’m nowhere near perfect but I intentionally supplement to fuel my mind, move my body for better mind functioning, and regularly connect to my thoughts so I can effectively process.

What about you?

• What are the qualities of your thoughts and your mind?

• Which thoughts energize you—and which ones drag you down?

• What would you want your ideal cognitive functioning to look and feel like? Why would that be important to you?

💖 Heart

This is your emotional world—the seat of your feelings, empathy, and emotional resonance.

I believe our emotions are inner messengers, like a GPS for what matters. For me, emotions make life meaningful. That return to joy, love, peace, and even the uncomfortable emotions like anger, fear, grief—make life rich and fulfilling. And knowing how to relate to them, how to interpret various emotional states, and how to healthily express or process emotions can change everything.

Ask yourself:

• What emotions do you want to feel more of?

• What does emotional wellness look like to you?

• How do you want to process and express feelings in your relationships?

🏃‍♀️ Body

Your physical vessel—the one you live, love, and work through.

When we’re unwell, everything feels harder. And when it feels good? We move through the world with ease and power. For me, my body helps me achieve everything else I want in life like remarkable relationships and a mission-led career. For someone else, like an athlete, their body is their work.

Reflect on:

• What does feeling physically well mean to you?

• How do you want your body to support the life and love you’re creating?

• How can you nourish and respect your body more deeply?

🌱 Spirit

This is your sense of purpose, meaning, values, and connection to something greater.

This isn’t about religion (unless that’s part of your path). This is about why you do what you do. It’s about what lights you up from the inside out. 

We are meaning-making machines. That’s not a flaw—it’s a feature. When you create meaning on purpose, life gets rich.

Explore:

• What do you value most in life?

• What gives your days meaning?

• What’s your connection to yourself, others, and the world around you?

When you explore these four areas, you begin to craft a narrative that links your innate strengths with your desired way of being. This is how you begin to build a life—and a relationship—that feels like home.

Phase 3: Connect with Your Inner World (The Main Course)

Phases 1 and 2 are incredibly valuable. But the real transformation happens when you start interacting with your inner world in a conscious, ongoing way.

Most people never learn how to do this. But when you do? Everything changes.

Here’s how I describe the 5 levels of inner relationship. These aren’t necessarily linear—you might be at different levels in different areas of life—but having a framework helps make the intangible, tangible.

Level 1: Unaware

You're reacting, surviving, going through the motions. You don’t yet realize there’s a whole inner world with you at the center of it.

Level 2: Noticing

You pause long enough to notice thoughts, emotions, and sensations arise. You realize… “Wow, there’s a lot happening inside me.” Awareness sparks.

Level 3: Observing

You create space. You witness your inner world without judgment. You begin to see patterns, parts, and possibilities. Acceptance grows.

Level 4: Interacting

You begin to engage with your inner world. You may comfort your inner child. You may soothe your fear. You may affirm your truth. This is where deep self-trust is built.

Level 5: Re-Harmonizing

You build a secure, loving, compassionate relationship with yourself—and that becomes the foundation for all your external relationships. This is where healing becomes integration. 

Now ask yourself:

• Where are you on this spectrum?

• Where do you want to be?

• What would help you get there?

If You're Ready to Attract the Love and Life You Deserve, This Next Step is For You

Here’s the thing: awareness doesn’t automatically equal transformation.

You can know a lot and still feel stuck. That’s because integrating this work takes intention, practice, and sometimes a little (or a lot of) support.

If you're ready to stop spinning in self-doubt or surface-level clarity—and start embodying the version of you who attracts the life and love you deeply desire—I’d be honored to walk that path with you.

💌 Want support on your journey? Connect with me below.